Drops of Blood

Interviewed! Read All About It!

Posted on 11 March 2008

I’m very late in posting the results, but I enjoyed getting interviewed as part of The Great Interview Experiment, a project that’s the brainchild of the Citizen of the Month blog. My intrepid interviewer was Michelle of the It’s Just What I Do blog, and she took the time to read through my blogs to find out some of my quirks before she put together her questions. (High-five, Michelle! I appreciate that.)

She posted the outcome on her blog on March 3 and I’m just now, er, trying to find my list of procrastination excuses for my delay in posting it here too … darn it, where did I put that list?

Ah well. Here’s her Q & A with yours truly.

1. I’ve been reading your blog and have noticed some interesting things about you! You aspire to be a writer, so therefore you probably love to read. What book(s) are you reading right now?

Just finished Runemarks, a marvelous YA novel by Joanne Harris. Next up: Mississippi Sissy by Kevin Sessums, Specials by Scott Westerfeld, and then probably something non-fiction. I’m also looking for a more serious read to put in the lineup but don’t have anything literary that’s grabbed my attention lately. You can probably tell that I’m a *very* eclectic reader. )

2. What is your Great American Novel going to be called and do I get a signed copy?

No title yet, and sure! You may have to remind me, though — I have the Great American swiss-cheese memory. I am wincing at almost every paragraph I commit to computer memory, though, and am trusting in the advice of other authors who say it’s OK for the first draft to really, really suck. (Excellent, then. I’m right on target.)

3. The parseltongue greeting on your Drops of Blood website is interesting. What is your favorite Harry Potter book and why?

The first one, actually. I love all of them, but I especially relished that oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-BOY feeling of finding a new series that I knew I was going to love. This one had everything — a fun plot, sadness, childhood persecution, humor, action, and silly magic. And if there’s anything I love more than a good book, it’s a massively sized good book in a long series.

4. I was very saddened to read that you miss the smell of your father’s shirt, which your mom confiscated after finding it in your closet shortly after his death. As an adult, have you and your mom talked about that incident and did you share your feelings about that with her?

We only talked about it once. She was astonished that I remembered it, actually. Her grieving was so intense at the time that she could not bear to be so viscerally reminded of her suddenly dead husband by the look, scent, and feel of his shirt, and she reacted on gut instincts when she threw it away. It didn’t occur to her what she was taking away from me. It still doesn’t. I came to the above realization of why she discarded the shirt after just knowing her long enough as an adult to see it through her eyes.

Mom’s a good-hearted person, hard-working and generous to a fault, and well-loved by family and friends for good reason, but she’s not chatty in that way or introspective in the least. I remember that I started crying one day a few months after Daddy died when she was driving me home after picking me up at my grandparents’ house. We pulled over and talked, and she comforted me. Years later, she remembered the incident while I did not. What struck me was her comment on that time. It was something like, “It was like I realized for the first time you were a real, separate, little person with feelings of your own.”

As I get older, it gets easier to remind myself that she simply is who she is — a survivor in the only way she knows how. And I think about some really harsh years she endured as a child. She and her three very young sisters were sent to an orphanage for four years during the height of the Depression because their widowed mother couldn’t afford to feed them. That experience warped or shaped them all in different ways. My mom was the scrappy one, who came out of it with an elbow-swinging, hell-with-you attitude that helped her survive. Her deep-rooted sense of humor and close relationship with her sisters kept her personality’s edges from being too razor sharp.

5. Is there another funny or poignant childhood story you would be willing to share with us?

We lived on a farm in rural Copiah County, Mississippi, and mom was a housewife at the time, trying to do her chores with a very bored kid of 5 or 6 who was trying to demand her time. She finally decided to send me outside to play so I wouldn’t drive her nuts. She locked the doors when I kept trotting in to get water, toys, snacks, or to show her an interesting bug or two. I was outraged! This was my house! I lived there too! I actually ran around to the front door but she beat me there and locked it too. Her laughing sent me over the edge. So I spent the next 5-10 minutes running around the house, beating and kicking furiously at the doors and yelling about the meanness of it all. (I did inherit my mom’s … er … “drive.”) I think my heart stopped cold in my chest when, on my last pounding tour of the back porch, she flung the door open. It was like a Western when the sheriff enters the saloon. I was opening my mouth to say something — anything — when she let me have it in the face with a loooooong squirt of Red-Wip. At the time, I wasn’t sure whether I was more relieved, infuriated, or tickled to have my favorite whipped topping piled in my face. Mom still laughs when she talks about her little way of dealing with the afternoon and the pole-axed expression on my face.

6. Could you share with us which genre of writing is the most difficult in your opinion and why?

One of my old college professors would be smiling in anticipation of my answer here, because I’m such a person of gray zones and mitigating circumstances that it’s hard for me to speak in absolutes. And on top of that, my answer differs when you’re talking about my point of view as a writer or as a reader.

At the moment, writing a really subtle, intricate, twisting, surprising mystery seems impossibly brainy to me. Most of my writing experience is in journalism and in technical and business writing, where the emphasis is on clarity. So I tend to telegraph my fictional plots WAY too clearly, way too far in advance. Plotwise, I’m a lighthouse when you need a penlight. Naturally, a mystery is what I’m trying to write at the moment. )

As a reader, I feel very rewarded when I read fine literature but have a time getting into it. Some of it is exhausting to read, frankly, and it’s rarely as funny or hopeful as I like my leisure reading to be. I get the most out of this when it’s part of a graduate-level English class that forces me to read it, analyze it, and understand its magnificence, and by then I’m usually the nerdy one waving my hand frantically in the front row. I slog on through these books because I think it’s important to feed your brain as much as it is to amuse it. I probably do less of the literary reading than I should, though.

7. Do you feel that teens, and possibly people in general these days have a much more lackadaisical attitude? How do you feel this is affecting or will affect our society in the future?

I think adults have always thought this in each generation, and it’s probably less serious or dire than most of us secretly fear. But with that said … GOD, yes! I have the hardest time trying to motivate — or teach self-motivation to — my older daughter, who is bright, beautiful, and oh-so-full of the “um, yeah, whatever” spirit. I’m just waiting for her to get a bit hungry and greedy so she’ll start scrapping to make her own way in the world. My master plan is to keep in place all the family support she truly needs and, over time, continue to withdraw the not-necessary supports that just prop her up. I’m hoping she’ll jump-start her own engine and I can quit pushing her up the hill at some point. She goes to college this fall (knock on wood) and we’ll see what happens from there.

In general, the apathy I commonly see in her generation annoys me. It’s like everyone’s waiting for everyone else to do something. I don’t know the cure, except raising your own children the best you can, trying to nudge their friends in the right direction too, and trying to be an influential part of children’s lives in your community. That, plus time, will help. They’re not bad kids — just locked into their own little worlds.

How will it affect our society in the future? For kids who wake up to opportunities in business and life, there will be feast days ahead as they leap ahead of the competition. For others, I expect a lot of pissing and moaning about things that are Just Not Fair, and they’ll be frustrated as they wait expectantly for the world to arrive on their doorsteps with the anticipated silver platter. Parents are going to have to show some tough love as they plant their boots on their kids’ butts and point them toward the door.

I think people are having to parent their kids for far longer today than in years past on issues of maturity, responsibility, and long-range planning. Maybe because the parenting isn’t done with the commonsense and expectations of years past, and maybe because today’s parents are gentler, meaning the kids have a longer learning curve. And discipline is different, with kids being treated with rationality rather than corporeal punishment, and, unfortunately, with a desire to make things easier on the child rather than emphasizing firm limits; it’s harder to get and hold attention that way, although my generation’s way seems kinder than some of the harsher methods in my parents’ generation. (My parents regularly spanked me or whipped me with a leather belt. I can count on one hand the number of times I spanked both my daughters — and always with my hand, except once with a ping-pong paddle that made me heartily ashamed.)

And it’s not just parents — some teachers have a hand in things, too. I’m disgusted with how my daughter’s junior-high and high-school teachers and counselor have repeatedly let her off the hook with low expectations at school. Even when I called a conference with all of her teachers one or two years ago because she was failing in so many classes, they were way more warm and fuzzy than they should be. Were these really the people who’d been answering my concerned emails with agreement on specific things she was doing wrong or not doing at all, and they were only making timid, weak little comments with her at the table? It was exasperating, and my daughter came away with the impression that I just needed to chill out and that her barely passing grades were good enough. Their emphasis was on protecting and nurturing her self-esteem; mine was on bolstering her self-esteem with REAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS rather than feel-good statements.

Sorry, this looks like my stop. I’ll get off the rant train now.

8. Where exactly did you find that awesome husband (re: 30 Reasons I Love My Husband), and what advice do you have for young women contemplating marriage?

He’s a good man, isn’t he? In college, Good Hubby lived down the hallway from the boy who later became my first husband. About 14 years later, Good Hubby’s job moved him to the town where I was a newspaper reporter, single mom, and divorcee, and he happened to read my column and see my picture when he was up looking for an apartment. It was kind of a coincidence, since I only wrote a column once a month and he happened to be in town that weekend, reading the paper. He wrote to me, I called him back, and we’ve been an item every since.

He’s the oldest of three children, and I credit his even temperament, humor, and intelligence to his family environment. I *adore* his immediate and extended family, and his parents in particular are the most wholesome, sweet mom and dad I could imagine having. He just rolls his eyes when I tell him he was raised by June and Ward Cleaver. And his paternal grandmother, who died several years ago — I really miss her. One time when he and I were dating and I attended church with his family, she spotted me and came over to admire my red dress. She looked me up and down and said in her droll way, “I’d roll you for that dress.” LOVE. HER.

My advice to young women contemplating marriage is to find someone who cherishes you and offers selfless love, because you’re going to need it. Someone who genuinely is willing to inconvenience himself to make your life a little easier makes the rough parts of life bearable. And he makes it so much easier to be a selfless spouse in return. I’ve learned more about being a better person from being with him than I have with any other adult in my life.

Also, as a practical matter, you should be able to talk easily and also have easy silences, argue passionately without viciousness, enjoy each other’s company, and share compatible opinions on important things like children, money, religion, lifestyle, and long-term goals. They matter.

9. I noticed that you would like to learn French. Have you ever been to France?

No, but it’s one of my leisure goals in life to go there. It will probably happen after our oldest gets in college. I’m hoping to be a smaller size by then, or at least to know enough French to say something subtle but stunningly rude if I’m snubbed as a fat American tourist. ) I’d actually like to have at least three France vacations — one for Paris, one for a long tour of wine country, and another for museums, gardens, and historical sites throughout the country.

10. Where would you go on vacation if money were no object?

There’s no one place — in the U.S., I’d hit Yellowstone National Park, NYC, the Grand Canyon again, anywhere in California, Pennsylvania Dutch country, Hawaii, and probably a dozen other spots I’ll kick myself for forgetting to mention right now. Abroad, I’d like to hit France, Scotland, Ireland, rural China, Tokyo, Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, England, and more. *sigh* Any place where the food is different, there’s something magnificent in nature or urban life, the culture is distinct, and it’s safe enough to travel. Bonus points if it’s a location renowned for wool production or textile arts. So many cool things to explore out there in the big, bad world. Curiosity may be my defining trait.

11. What is the most interesting thing you have ever knitted?

*laughing* Oh, nothing as interesting as a willie warmer or anything like that. Mostly it’s been ponchos and scarves and hats and socks. The only points of interest would be to another knitter, who might be mildly impressed that my first sock was a toe-up lace pattern with a twisted-8 cast-on, on 5 DPNs. Overly ambitious for a relative beginner., but I’m nothing if not pigheaded. I knitted the beginning so many times the yarn was frayed and I had to cut it off and start with a fresh end. )

12. Is there something else that you would like your readers to know about you?

That I have fun with my children and have laughed even more with my husband. It feels so good to have a playful family life. I’m allowed and encouraged to be a goober at home, which is fortunate since that’s me by nature. My older girl and I were standing shoulder-to-shoulder at the fridge one night, jockeying for position, and one of us started kicking the other in the fanny. We locked arms and each began kicking frantically behind our backs at each other until we tangled legs and down we went. We still giggle about what idiots we were.

13. I have been teaching for 15 years. In those 15 years, I have noticed a decrease in the quality of the children’s books being written. I love books like Miss Rumphius and Amazing Grace that have beautiful illustrations as well as rich vocabulary and a lesson. Do you have an opinion about the decline in quality of children’s books?

You’re in a far better position than I am to identify this trend. But my perception differs. I think there are plenty of good new children’s books out there, like those by Louis Sachar, the American Girl books (which have admittedly spotty writing but contain interesting history), “The Dragons Are Singing Tonight” by Jack Prelutsky (poetry), and the Wayside School books (for sheer silliness). The problem is finding them among all the mediocrity that hides them. The good ones are essentially drowning in a sea of crap.

I know when I pick out books for my kids, it’s usually because I’ve read good things about books online and found ones that seem to fit their reading level and interests (vampires and other speculative fiction for my oldest; and fairies, princesses, or something like the historical “Girls of Many Lands” series for my youngest). I keep a running list of cool books for them and me in my BlackBerry. If I show up at the bookstore unarmed without a list, I’m totally lost. I just wish there was a shelf that said, “Here are the really GOOD books.” I’m not talking just the Newbery and other award winners — even the excellent genre fiction for children takes time to identify. And people are sorely short on patience and time.

I think it’s hardest to find younger children’s books that appeal to their tastes and the tastes of the parents who help them with the reading, and I think it’s a crying shame that so many books starve the minds of children by using dull, overly simplistic language, trite characterization, and formulaic plotting. And when the books are boring, the parents shy away from re-reading them with the kids, and an opportunity to hook a young reader is missed. But there’s continuing hope as they get older: Do you find that there’s some really excellent young adult writing out there, like Melissa Marr’s “Wicked Lovely”? I’ve been thrilled at the quality of YA books I’ve seen in recent years, and I thank Harry Potter’s success for inspiring this trend.

[tags]Citizen of the Month, It’s Just What I Do, The Great Interview Experiment[/tags]